I remember when I was a kid making home-made movies with my friend, staying up late to the middle of the night trying to find the right shot. I remember the passion, pride, and joy there was in filming a simple scene of a poorly constructed movie concept (A concept that usually never was completed. Haha!) There was this sense of freedom and joy that was unlocked inside of me during those days.
Ever since moving to LA, I can confidently say that God is completely responsible for the resurrection of what I once buried years ago. I have flooded my thoughts with the ideas of destiny, calling, ministry, and outreach, but I easily forgot who I was in that spectrum. Let me tell you, Los Angeles was not in the Vernacular of my dreams.
It started out as an obedience to His voice to move out into the middle of the desert. The journey was terrible at first. I traveled across country with a frail idea of what I thought would bring me success, but it wasn’t a job or particular door that He had in mind. The door He wanted to open was the one in my heart. What I sought was significance in my life. I’ve grown confident when He told me ” You are my son and I have great plans for your life”. But I wasn’t hearing Him right for years…
I’ve tried to figure out the right “plan” and make the most discerning of choices, but in honesty I had this gut-wrenching fear in the center of my being that was saying, “I don’t know if you really understand or care about how much this means to me!”
Since moving here I realized that the plans He had were the ones to see my desires, wants, and needs met. All this time He wanted me to feel, see, touch, and tangibly experience how much He supports me. He wanted to show me how much of a supporting Father He is. He wanted to show me How he stares in awe in how I perform. He wanted me to see me the way He does… and He wanted me to own it. He placed certain things inside of me that could only be activated if I started started walking down the path of my destiny.
There I was, thinking that some post-production job was the lottery ticket to all my dreams and prophecies spoken over me throughout the years. Then the first thing He says to me when I enter LA was, “Alex, you’re not going to get the job you thought you were going to get.”
“Well! I look fuck’n crazy. This is sooo fuck’n stupid. You’re fuck’n crazy, God. What is this all about? I’m scared. Why am I here?”, I replied.
Then He brought me back to a moment I had with Him a few months back when I asked Him what my purpose was. I got four words, “Actor, Filmmaker, Director, Producer”. Believe me, I didn’t want to hear that and I didn’t want to hear it in that order. That deep gut-wrenching fear inside of me posed as a twisted-wisdom-filled-whisper that made me want to take a safer route…
Because I listened to His voice, I feel like that kid again. I feel like rewinding the tape and eagerly asking my Father to watch it with me. That, “Hey, Dad! I made a movie with my friend, you want to watch?!” is back again. If I didn’t drive 3,000 miles on a hunch I wouldn’t be here right now. I don’t know what the future holds, but from here it looks pretty amazing.
Hey, Father, remember that time you said to me, “When your dreams come true, mine come to pass?”. Well, I think I see more to that picture now. I see you sitting with me on the family couch as we watch the movie I made with my friends. Then I see my friends sitting with me and then I see the people I’ve worked with sitting down with us too. It’s like one big ol’ family gathering. Family… I think you want your family back.
Then I hear you say, “Hey, can we watch that again? I liked it”